It's Raining Men and Babies
by Addster
Summary: She decided against it, seeing as how she'd been harassing him up and down all night and insulting him and his mother, she had the feeling he wouldn't pass up and offer that good. AU, TsuxJir and a baby!


**AN: This is an expansion of a drabble Soraya the All Speaker did in Tales of the Leaves, I gave her the dare and then I was like, "OH GOOD GOD! IDEA!"**

**So here we are.**

**Disclaimer: i don't own anything**

"OH GOOD GOD!" She cried more than anything as she folded into herself like a tin can. With another wave of pain slowly rumbling through her body, she relaxed back onto the contour of the hospital bed, breathing heavy and sweat beading on her ivory skin.

Her cheeks were on fire, weren't hospitals supposed to be comfortable? Like hell this one was, she was burning up like a snowball next to a fire. Or maybe it was the ten hours of labor she'd been in since the afternoon of the day before. Dammit, she didn't care, blame needed to be given to _someone._

"I blame you." She growled under her breath as her husband's face flashed behind her eyes, his goofy grin spread wide across that stupid face of his. She prayed her child looked nothing like him.

But first the kid had to get there.

"AGHH!" She roared as she gripped the railing of her bed, defeated cries coming out of her mouth like whimpers.

"Where are you?" She moaned and flopped back into her pillow when the doctor came in, retarded clipboard in hand.

"How's it going, Tsunade?" He asked a bit timidly, a perimeter of at least five feet keeping him safe from the violent woman before him. Tsunade went through the enormous labor of raising her head and looking at the man, eyebrows knit in sardonic mirth.

"Just fine doc, I actually enjoy shoving something the size of a watermelon out of an opening the size of a lemon. Great cardio…" Tsunade spat as she flopped back onto her pillow. The doctor stood there, blankly staring at his clipboard as he absorbed her joke. Sighing, he finally suppressed his laugh and placed the clipboard on the rail of the bed and pulled up his rolley-chair for his hourly peep show.

"What do you see doc? Is it dark and scary?"

"You're almost ready, Tsunade. We can start pushing in a few minutes." He got up from his seat and snapped his gloves off, throwing them away as he scribbled some notes.

"We have to wait, my husband-!" Tsunade couldn't finish as another bone-crushing contraction rolled through her, gripping her stomach and sending shivers and quakes all throughout her. Regaining her breath with the contraction still in full force, Tsunade managed to look out the window, her honey-brown eyes catching the drops of rain as they fell.

It had been raining immensely since her first contraction hit her, it was ongoing, following her all the way to the hospital and lingering all day and night. It was nearing two thirty in the dead of night and she was ready to quit. If the labor wasn't tiring enough, rain always got the job done, making her drowsy and longing for a nap.

Maybe it was a sign.

"My husband's not here yet, can we wait a bit longer?" Tsunade pleaded. Ugh, she felt dirty now, a Senju never begs, just like fish never walk on land. It just doesn't happen. But this was weird, it felt natural, she had to wait for him. Even though her immense hate for her husband was growing tenfold after every contraction, she just couldn't bear to have their child without him.

The doctor finished his notes and glanced towards Tsunade, pity in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, but you can't wait any longer. If you do, there could be complications…" Complications. That one, vague word was enough to make her cave.

Dammit.

When the doctor saw she wasn't going to answer him, he called for a nurse to ready the room for the baby. Everything was moving too fast, this wasn't what she wanted. She wanted this to be, normal isn't the right word, she wanted her child's birth to be something special. It was going to be special whether her husband was there or not, but he would just be icing on the cake.

"Owww…" Tsunade moaned, all energy absolutely drained and her reserves didn't cover screams of pure agony. Oh well, she'll live.

The doctor slipped on his mask and grabbed his seat, looking like a quarterback with his hands ready and waiting.

"All we need is a couple good pushes, Tsunade. Whenever you're ready…" She wanted to tell him to piss off, but seeing as how she'd been harassing him up and down the entire night and insulting him and his mother, she highly doubted he would pass up an offer like that.

"I'm not ready…" She cried and balled her fists until they were white knuckled and shaking. She was about to take a deep breath and push when she heard voices from outside the door of her delivery room, one high pitched and whiney, and the other deep and panicked. The doctor had taken notice too because he had his head turned and was watching the door.

Tsunade had the overwhelming urge to just bolt from her bed and run off to nowhere in particular and have some medicine man deliver her baby with the aid of some spirits and holy water, the kid would just gently float out of her like magic. That would be nice, but her pain brought her back to reality, and reality had a door flying open with a tall man rushing to her side.

"Oh thank god…" Tsunade breathed as she let Jiraiya's kisses flood her face.

"I'm so sorry I'm late…messenger bird died or something." Jiraiya laughed weakly as he slid his hand into hers, immediately regretting it when he heard them crack.

"Just. Give. Me. Your. Hand…" Tsunade hissed through clenched teeth as contraction after contraction wracked her frail and weak body. Jiraiya kissed her forehead one last time before the doctor cleared his throat.

"Can we have a baby?" He asked happily.

"HELL YES! PLEASE GET THIS KID OUTTA ME!" Tsunade cried, tears running down her face.

"Okay then, push…" Jiraiya watched in utter amazement as she gritted her teeth and pushed, tendrils of her golden hair were slicked to her face and she was pale beyond belief, but she was beautiful. He didn't care that his fingers were in danger of being crushed; he just couldn't believe that she was doing this, giving life.

Tsunade grunted as she finished, feeling her baby slide out of her. Finally, finally, finally, her baby was here. Jiraiya waited with baited breath, he didn't dare try peeking over the sheet covering Tsunade's lady bits.

It was dark and scary down there.

After a few moments of nothing, Jiraiya turned to Tsunade with worry drenched eyes. As exhausted as she was, Tsunade was sitting up and looking, still trying to catch her breath with anxiety making it that much harder.

Then she saw him, heard him. The strangled cry that reverberated throughout the room was like music to their ears, the announcement that all was well. Jiraiya relished in the look of pure peace on his wife's face, and the tears he knew were of love streaming down her face.

"It's a boy!" The doctor lifted the newborn up, his tuft of wispy blonde hair shining in the encroaching sun coming through the window behind her bed. He was crying and kicking his legs, obviously uncomfortable being suspended in the air.

"Can I hold him?" Tsunade was surprised by how hoarse her voice was; she sounded like some desert rat. The doctor gave her a nod and wrapped her son in a few blankets and gently placed him on her hot chest.

"Here…" He handed Jiraiya a pair of scissors, nodding towards the umbilical cord. With his son preoccupied with his mother and keeping up his crying, Jiraiya cut the cord and handed the scissors back to the doctor.

Tsunade looked down on her newborn, completely admiring everything about him, the way his nose scrunched up, and the way his tongue kind of curled when he cried.

He was beautiful.

He was hers.

"Hello Naruto…" Mother cooed to son, a smile adorning her beautifully exhausted face.

**Yay! It rained babies and men! Wouldn't that be the coolest thing to watch? All these hot guys falling from the sky with cute little babies in their arms? A little bit of a stretch, but it put a smile on my face thinking about it. Please review, they make me happy!**

**PEACE :P**


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